The idea behind it is this : how much can one take in order to be loved. How much to sacrifice or sustain to be loved.
I’ve changed the length of my skirt, my taste in music, the brand of my cornflakes, my haircut, at least four times. I’ve become a vegan for a week, anarchist, with feathers on my hair. A proper lady. I have bought second hand high heels with worn souls that make my feet hurt, because you like it. I’ve become a lesbian for a little while, a bi-sexual, because you had this phantasy. I have kissed men, women and a dog. I have travelled and travelled. To kerkyra, to Athens, to south of France, to north of France, to Cornwall, to Wellingborough, to Wisbeach. I’ve checked in and checked out. I’ve got used to wash my teeth every night. I’ve stayed outside in the cold in the South Bank for ages, because you like it. I have been hurting while you were fingering me, but never said a word. I have been hurting while you were kissing me, but never said a word. My ovaries have suffered a lot. I pretended I like asian cuisine, I fakes orgasms and laughs. I have been shaving my pussy the way you like it. I was convincing myself that you exist, so hard that I knew exactly the shape of your face, the smell of your neck. Now, I have learnt how to be or behave under all possible circumstances. I will cycle home if you want, or we can take a taxi. I will pay, I don’t mind. I will wear blue tonight. I will go back and change. As long as you remain the same.