Am I the fucking fat girlfriend who spills her wine all over the place? Am I the fat fucking girlfriend with the woollen skirt who does not break the glass, but manages to spill her wine over? Tell me know.

I so fucking desperately need to make new friends in case you leave me. And I am pushing away all the people that come near me. Like Katrina. Why did I push Katrina away. She had a lovely accent, and two big sunglasses and ear protection. Why did I push her away. What a bitch I am.

What a fuck up

I fucked it up ; there was a loud knock on the door and I got extremely scared. Someone put his hand through the letter box and I shouted. Oh. It is my landlord. With a strange looking woman. And before I have time to think, I say: who is this weird woman? I actually said, in front of her: who is this weird woman? I mean, I think being weird is a compliment. But, people can be different. Then I was panicking and my heart was beating. What a fuck up. (And you are far and silent and I cannot reach you).

I am feeling a bit sick in my stomach today. Wondering whether it is the egg and garlic rise I microwaved or just that I am missing you. You are not that far away, and I am in this little room with two sky windows. I really like them, but sometimes there is too much light on my screen. I am burping and burping the garlic and hoping that you won't smell that through the screen, in these words, on a lonely Sunday afternoon.

I got a door stopper and a bath mat for you. I know you needed them and somehow I know that now you love me more. Especially about the door stopper. Because you are of course someone who appreciates that kind of thing and does not like closed doors. Or hidden things or dark secrets. So, I will make sure I keep my door open for as long as I can, but please do not be late, because I am cold.

I came into your office and you turned my heart into a valley of roses. You told me about your colleague who died and his wife who cleaned the space and all the dark dark thoughts she might have been having at the time.

I am eating curry and I cannot stop thinking of the little poo that got stuck in between my buttocks. Is this very appetising. There are chick peas into my curry. A little tiny poo was hanging from my buttocks, as if from an imaginary thread. What was I supposed to do? I shook my butt from side to side, felt it hitting against my buttock walls but not falling. I shook again and again and finally decided to remove it with my index and middle finger. The imaginary thread came out with it. I washed my hands and had my curry.