Dad gave 27.000 euros to the plumber who subsequently died. Dad never got back the money. The plumber’s wife is in a coma.

I dreamt that someone really loved me. It was just a feeling.

I flirt with Jamal, the sick phlegm volunteering and he starts vommiting Frankfurt sausages in the middle of the street. 

I’m on a date and keep burping sardines in tomato juice.

The only thing that actually gets me out of bed is the desire to weigh my self hoping I’ve lost some weight.