how to do it, how to do it slowly without pain, how to do it so that you only know it is happening, how to do it with no sound, with no door creak, how to do it in the dark, how to do it in the dark, how to do it without a candle or two, how to do it without killing yourself, without contemplating to kill yourself, without regretting not havivng done so. The days pass and I wonder; how to do it.