I am freaking out; I am fucking freaking out. I am on the verge of a panic attach, my belly is tight, I have had half pizza, a potato bake and three tomato skewers. I am fucking freaking out. I have had a beer (draft), some wine and a biscotti, I have palpitations, I give in, I give in, I surrender. I will not be able to just be, just lie on the bed and rest. I am so sad and lonely, in this big bed with the chandelier hanging on top, the silvery brown flowery patter on the wall and the fake pink orchids. The curtain is turquoise and the bed stool lilac. I am freaking out. I cannot even reach out and write to you out of fear you may not reply.