It’s so serious

No I don’t want that, I don’t want any of that. My cardigan is too small, it is too small and I am falling. And I know that I have to be nice and stop complaining. So hard that I can hear myself scream from the other side. How long have you been standing there? 

I have to change this cardigan, change this cardigan and start behaving. Like a proper lady. I should not ask for more affection. Never ask for more affection. That is not lady-like. Never ask for things you should not be asking for. Just shut up and listen. Just sit down next to the cardinal and listen. Why don’t you want so many things 

Gimme more affectionnnnnnn, gimme me more affectionnnnnn, caress my hand, kiss my jaw, touch my hand as if by mistake. Gimme me more affection and kisses and all. Or I will die. 

Stand, Still, Next, to, the jaw. Your Jaw. Don’t. Move. Your Jaw. Stand. Still. Next, to, Your Jaw. No JAw. No Jaw. Stand Still. DOn’t move. 

It’s so serious. Trying to make sense of my schedule. 

It’s so serious. Ordering a side of hand cut chips.

It’s so serious. Smoking.

It’s so serious. Auditioning for a part you barely want.

It’s so serious. All these fucking people in the street.

It’s so serious. All people in the street swearing at you because you don’t take notice of them.

It’s so serious. All the people in the street, the fucking people, swearing at you, because you do not take notice and accelerate and almost fall on them. 

It’s so serious. Your mouth full of debris. Your mouth full of stupid debris. 

It’s so serious. Not wanting to want to cook or keep wanting. 

It’s so serious. My pyjamas - are so serious.

My underpants. Are so serious. The hundred times I am woken up by all the sniffing. So serious. it’s so serious. Why don’t you give me a fucking break. It’s so serious. You are so serious. Oh so serious. Oh so serious. You know when you are looking at me as if I am not English, as if I do not have an accent. When you think I am who you think I am. It’s so serious. Being serious. Oh it’s serious. Being serious. Oh it’s serious. Being serious. Oh it’s serious. It’s so serious. Being serious. Oh so serious. The headaches, the pieces of musty bread in the sink. All the batteries that I do not know where to recycle. My cat’s antibiotic treatment which never expires. It’s so serious. Having too many pillows. Not making the bed. It’s so serious. Hating the people in the street, hating the fucking people in the street, even the ones you like. It’s so serious. Missing the meeting. Missing the meeting. Missing the meeting. It’s so serious. Missing part of the meeting. It’s so serious. Missing part of the meeting and wishing you were not there at all, wishing you were DEAD, wishing you did not have to add it to your online calendar, because you are DEAD. it’s so serious. Being DEAD, because you don’t want to be in the meeting. 

It’s so serious. Oh so serious. Oh so serious. Oh so serious.

Trying to think of a think that will make you relax your shoulders. not being able to convince yourself to stop the madness. To stop pretending to stop. Oh so serious. Have the fish. Have the battered fish. Oh so serious. Close your eyes. No, no ketchup, just mayo please. Eat the chips. Just eat the chips. And do not think about the meeting. 

Just pretend you have created an impression. Pretend you have created an impression. Pretend the other person is important and you have created an impression.