Monday, December 27

I dreamt I was 31 years old and no one would get married to me. What a tragedy.

Thursday, December 16

the only thing that hurts more is the parsley you 've left behind in the fridge when you've left

Wednesday, December 15

It is such a relief after so long not to feel the microcosm moving inside me, the microcreatures ravishing inside my urethra, thriving, having a long lasting masked ball. Such a relief to have conquered them, to have achieved the thing, the one and only, the never.

Tuesday, November 23

in my darkest hours I am alone again, so dark and deep it is the snow that I have never been so deep.

Tuesday, November 9

you promised to me. You promised to me you would either take me on a holiday or stay here and fuck me. You have promised to me and then you have left left write left

Monday, August 16

I wake up. My eyes are heavy, my mouth is heavy my armpits are heavy. I have broken up with my girl. Because he is putting pressure on me. To be on time. To stand upright, to eat worthwhile. Instead, I adopt a little black boy to care about and cook for. We both live in a vitrine gallery. Not so comfortable. But we do. We live there. One day, just after cooking oats, he abandons me. Is it the oat? Does he prefer wheat? I follow a wheat free diet, but I do not mind. I will cook wheat for him. I search everywhere. No trace of wheat or my black boy. And I cry until the day after, happy in my serenity.

Friday, June 11

I am sleeping on a table cloth in the middle of an orphan house the table cloth depicts only vegetables, broccoli and coliflower. And I shout I do not like coliflower, please, please no more coliflower, and no one listens. The city where I live is under destruction. It looks like frtui preserves that you eat one at a time and you become a mess.

Monday, June 7

my me me my me mead meadow me me miracle my me me me miracle my me mean miracle mear meas meet my mea meer mine me me meal miracle and me my me me mirador mir mir miracul mean meal mine mean me miracle

VOILa, ladies and gentlemen, my small parcel, my tiny tiny small parcel, which hops and parades, looking for you, longing for you, BURNING for you, can I open it, can I open it, ladies and gentlemen, can I open it please, no, not here, not here, ladies and gentlemen, better at home, better at home.

shoft, shoft and shy, shoft and shy is your shole, sho shoft and shy - sho shomewhat shoft, your little miracle you have for a shoul.

(Written for Johanna's MiraCULOUS continuum project)

Sunday, May 30

I have an old fat so fat oh so fat uncle and I store her inside the cupboard. I take the food to her to eat, the water to drink, the bed pan to piss.

Wednesday, May 26

Ca c'est une introduction. Pendant l'introduction je vous dis: mon nom, mon âge, mon métier le couleur des mes yeux, le couleur de l'amour, le couleur de mes pieds. J'ai voyagez longtemps pour être ici, mes pied font mal, mon dot fait mal. mes cheveux font mal, mon cheval fait mal., mon bas fait mal, mes yeux font mal. Je suis ici maintenant, j'ai voyagez longtemps.
Je suis une femme.
Je suis un cheval.
Je suis un homme qui fait mal.
Je suis un homme qui aime une femme qui fait mal.
Je suis une femme qui aime un garçon qui fait mal.
Je suis un garçon qui aime un cheval qui fait mal.
Je suis une femme qui aime un cheval qui fait mal.
Je suis ici, j'ai voyagez longtemps, mes cheveux font mal.
Un, deux trois
je compte je fois que j'ai gagne
un, deux trois
je compte les fois que j'ai joue
un deux, trois
j'ai compte les fois que j'aime
A l'aube, je suis a toi,
A la brune, je suis a toi
crepuscule jusqu' a l'aube je suis a toi
Je suis a toi en général
Quand je parle
Quand j'ecris
Quand je compte
Quand j'ecris
Je suis ici, je parle a vous
Ca c'est une introduction
pendant l'introduction je vous dis
mon nom, mon age, mon metier, le couleur des mes yeux, le couleur de l'amour, le couleur des mes pied. Merci et au revoir.

Sunday, May 23

I do I want but do not know if I should
I do I would do but do not know if I could
I do I should but do not know if I would

In my dream I become something else, something about something else

Something else happens for another reason, I seat on a hedgehog each time I hear you scream
I want to become something else, not this or that, but something else
something beyond the green and the yellow leaves, beyond the egg beaters and the egg shells. Something beyond the good mornings and goodbyes, something beyond the hellos, salutes, au revoirs and dark eyes.

In my reverie, I kill a dog and become the dog I have killed. Wav, wav, Wav, wav, my little dog, I sniff asshole every day. Wav, wav, wav, little dog, I pretend I am asshole everyday. I stand on my two feet, I bark heavily, I have a sore throat. I say a story, The story of standing on my two feet, the story of whispering a pray. My car has been stolen, my eyes are big.

Friday, May 21

Tonight

Tonight I am the same again. The same as yesterday…
I fall asleep.
In my dream I dream of you running to find me. In my dream I pray you run as fast as I can because I am on a bicycle and you will never make. In my dream, my breasts go up an down on the bicycle because there are little curves and little hills in the street. I curve and I hill while I cycle. I pray that you run as fast as I can because I am faster than you.

Thursday, May 20

heavy petting

Tonight I am this and that and that and that.
Tonight I am this and that and that and that.
Tonight I am this and that and that and that.

This is the bit where I cry.
This is the bit where I cry.
This is the bit where I cry fast and I run to the next stop to find you.
This is the bit where I cry fast and I run to the next stop to find you.

oh hoh hoh hoo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho (donkey running)

This is the bit where I say STOOOOP!
This is the bit where I SAY STOOP!
THIS IS the bit where I say stop, look at me, I am here, I am here now, and I am running for you.

hhoh hoh hoh hoo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho (donkey running)

This is the bit where I run our of breath
This is the bit where I run our of breath and I stop
I stop for a while.
I stop for a while to take a breath and think
and think if this is all worth it.
clap clap take a nap
clap clap what a gap
clap clap china teacup
clap clap clap clap
I am fed too much or not enough,
clap clap clap clap
too much for now
clap clap clap clap
this is a danger, this is a trap
clap clap clap clap
I am fed too little or not enough
clap clap
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
it starts with a clap
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
it starts with a clap
tonight I am the same again
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
the same as yesterday
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
the same stomach
clap clap clap clap
the same lonely hips
clap clap clap clap
the same empty mouth
clap clap
I fuck
clap clap
my hot
clap
water
clap
bottle
clap
and I fall asleep
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

crachat

Crachez sur moi, mon amour, je suis toute crache, mon amour, crachez sur moi, s'il'vous plait, si vous m'aimez, si vous voulez me donner plaisir mon amour, c'est ça, tout ce que je veux, crachez sur moi, je vous en prie, c'est vous la personne pour moi, vous êtes le seul et unique, je le jure, chéri, une fois, Je vous avais dans ma main, et, mon chéri, J'ai crache sur vous, parce que je vous adorais, parce que, des fois dans la vie, il faut prendre la grande décision et cracher sure celui que vous aimer.

Et, mon chéri, vous étais en traine de se noyer , parce que j'ai crache sur vous, vous étiez la noyade dans mon chrachat et Je n'ai pas vous aide et je n'ai pas vous aider, parce que, des fois, dans la vie il faut prendre la grande décision et cracher sur celui que vous aimer, il faut, mon chéri, il faut.
I want to make my breasts work. I want to make them work hard, dig the earth, dig up roads, dig for roots. dig a hole. I want to make my breasts work harder than anyone else. I buy them a yellow plastic construction hat, a protective apparel and working boots. They are ready now.
I do it now, now, now, not now, now, yes, you do it now, please, do it now, don't wait, don't wait longer, sing me a song to unfrighten me, whisper a pray. You call it intercourse, penetration, puncturing, stabbing, pricking. You call it nipple, mamilla, tity, teat. And I say: I nipple you, I tity you, I'm stabbing you, oh yes, I am pricking you, I'm mamilling you, I am puncturing you, I am stabbing you.

And I pray, and I shout, do love me, you son of a bitch.
And I say, and I loud, do shit on me, you son of a prick.
And I spray, and I crowd, do fuck with me, you terrible shit.
And I stray, and I found, do play with me, you fertile geek.

I do it now, now, now, not now, now, oh yes, and I am done, I am finished, darling, I am over, I have concluded, I have ceased, I have ended, I have wind, I have ended (I have come).


(Written for Radical X competition, won the first prize)
I cry, I act helpless, I demand satisfaction, I refuse growing up. My mouth is too big for me, I leave this country, I move to another where doors are bigger and spoons smaller. I am spooning you. I am feeding you, I am acting helpless.
I destroy things to make others. Someone is painting my front door. A different colour each day. I have not yet made up my mind, which I like best. So I let him paint.

I make him coffee. I move the blue table to serve it in China cup. The red chairs fall on the floor. They break. I serve the coffee. He drinks it and looks at me with his blue eyes wide open. He eats the cup. It is china. He swallows it. I have to replace it now.
My mouth is a harbor, or a bay, the place where a river enters the sea, it is a cordial harbor.

I move my lips as if saying something. I say this: my mouth is a harbor. I keep it shut. I open it. I watch it.
I am fed too much or not enough, not enough I am saying, I am saying now. My mouth is big, I cannot exit the door, it is big, large, sizable, substantial I would say

It is great huge, immense, no ending and no end, the opening on the lower part of my human face is surrounded by my lips.

I have a hard mouth, a solid, resistant mouth, a mouth that contains cinnamon and crowd, a consistent, pronounced mouth.

fed

I am fed too much or I am not fed enough, I am fed too much, dear, or I am not fed enough. My wounds are shot from the inside, each person I love dies in sequence. On the hill of my heart, people are shot. And I am there, my hands held by my mother's hand, who speaks of futile things, like living.

Friday, March 26

Tonight I am the same again. The same stomach, the same lonely hips, the same empty mouth. I fuck my hot water bottle and fall asleep.

Friday, March 19

I have a pencil on the top of my head and I write your name. I write your name on the ceiling of my car, inside the train, in the cubicle toilet, as part of my pray. I write your name on all parts of the city, which I loved and walked and stepped and cried. Your name is written now and only a storm will fade it away.

The good tuna

I’ve got good tuna and good tuna and I’ve got a moustache and I’ve got good tuna good tuna and I’m a filmmaker and Ive got good tuna and why don’t you come over one night and I’ve got good tuna and why don’t you take off your tights tonight and I’ve got good tuna and good tuna and why don’t you kiss me and I’ve got good tuna and a mouth that eats good tuna and a little belly come have good tuna and a little apartement good tuna and a pillow for you to lie and a little carpet and good tuna.
And he said he wanted to put me on the sink and take care of me and then I tried to turn on the ventilator and he held my hips with both hands and pushed me and lifted me up towards the ventilator and then he lied down on my hair and he lied down on my hair and i lied down myself and he lied down and we fell asleep.
I have made a terrible mistake. For years I thought this is what I am interested in. I spent years working on this and I now realise: I am not interested in this at all. In fact, I never was and I will never ever be. And all those years are now lost.

Wednesday, March 17

the most amazing thing about my pussy is my pussy pussy is written like pussy and pussy is written like pussy and pussy is written like pussy, pussy pussier pussiest, this is my pussy. Yes, yes, come to me, yes, yes come to me...poul poul poul poul, poussy, pousy poysy, pousy, pousy, pussy? poussy, pussy, pussy? I say, it's pussy, you say it's pussy, you say, it's pussy.
my pussy flooded, I forgot to pull the plug. It rained so hard that my pussy flooded and then it sank. My pussy sank like a stone.

Blah

We went out blah blah blah did you laugh at all? no, not really, then what, what if you didn’t laugh- yes but we went out blah blah and and had fun
We went out blah blah blah we didn’t laugh at all yes but your laughing your laughing is a grower your laughing what do you mean a grower you know because you are a foreigner it grows with time it blooms and grows with time
we went out blah blah blah we didn’t laugh at all yes but my laughing my laughing is a grower you know because I am a foreigner it blooms and grows with time you know it grows and blooms and flowers with time

(she tells the story to different people, each time a little more info is added to the story, preferably info about what the date meant, and she adds this info to the story she narrates next time and the time after that and the time after that and after that time)
Sometimes I want all the impossible things. I want all the impossible things and I don’t care. Sometimes I want all the impossible things and I am counting untill you come back. I m counting because i dont know what you want and if you want what I want or if you are there. I am counting ten minutes untill you come back Sometimes it’s like you will not come back and I am still counting. I just stand there I try to stand there and not to move from my place because you don’t want me to move from my place because if I move from my place you say where are you going and I don’t want to move from my place. So, I try to reach my cup of tea from where I am, I try to eat from where I am, to answer the phone and cook dinner. I try not to move an inch further. Sometimes I wish everything was closer I have two goldfish I name the one after you and the other after me after you and after me are running round and round and round all day long and I don’t know which one is following which one is following which one is following the other they are running round and round all day long and I don’t know which one is following which one is following which one is following the other. One day they jump out and leave. One day the bowl broke and there was so much water coming out that the died instantly. Sometimes I wish everything was closer because sometimes I am counting to ten and you don’t come I am counting because I dont know what you want and if you want what I want or if you are there. So, I have to stuff myself with other thoughts so that I don’t think of you anymore I m just curious to find out what you are thinking when Im stuffing myself because i’m thinking is it really worth it and if it is really worth it, is it really worth it being worth it, I’m wondering is it really worth it because all the things I’m doing in order to be worth it are too much and sometimes because of the things that are too much I dont know if it is really worth it. Sometimes I have to stuff myself so much that I don’t know if it is really worth it and then i think it is worth it but what about not being worth it what about not being worth it and is it really worth it and what about not being worth it.

three things

There are three things I remember that dear man, the shallow water, your forehead that looked like mine, the way you couned things with your fingers, the way your beard grows, the way you twist my words, your front teeth, how I thought I saw you passing by. How I thought I saw you passing by with another woman. How I thought I saw you passing by with another woman. How I thought I saw you in the opposite train or platform or aeroplane. How I thought I saw you passing by in the opposite train or platform or aeroplane. I thought I saw you in the opposite train staring at someone. I thought that someone was wearing square glasses like mine. How I thought you talked to the friend of that someone wearing square glasses like mine. I thought you touched the left hand of the friend of that someone. I thought you touched her left hand and held it in yours. that someone pretended not to notice. I thought the friend of that someone wanted to hold your hand too, visit your house, look at your empty frames and find them beautiful, wait till you come back, and read your books in the meantime How she wanted to look into your wardrobe, to count your scarves and the holes in your belts, to discover if there is a pattern in the way you arrange your shirts, in the way it gets darker every night.

My boy likes my dress

I put on a dress, the blue one, you put on a dress, the blue one, and you fuck me fuck me fuck me I put on a blouse, the red one, you put on a blouse, the purple one, and you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I put on a star the purple one, you put on a star, the purple one, and you fuck me fuck me fuck me
You hold your cock you hold your hold you hold your cock you hold your port
I hold my hole I hold my cole I hold my cole and cry
I put on a dress, the red one, you put on a dress the green one and you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I like you in your dress my friends say I am fat I like you in your dress my friends say I am naf
And you fuck me fuck me fuck me
Come on my baby come on my baby
I will love you hard if you fuck me fuck me fuck me
Come on my lovely come on my clovely
I will love you enough if you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I will like your dress I will accept your caress if you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I will not cry I will not try if you fuck me fuck me fuck me
Come one my love come on so hard
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I love you hard i love you vast
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
Stay around my love i will make you last
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I will lick your wound i will sleep in your prune
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
I will give you my dress i will keep your caress
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
And if you wish you were me and you had a cuntine i will stay around and pretend im so proud
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
And if you wish you were me and you had a cuntine
I will be your cantine
If you fuck me fuck me fuck me
you are seating next to me in the library you are wearing black wellies and your breasts are soft and grey I stare at them for long sometimes you stare back your breasts are purple now and orange I stare at them for long sometimes they stare back a man of an average height approaches you he comes from a different country he talks to you about your breasts, grey and soft, now, again. You stare at him for long, sometimes he stares back. I can hear him talk he makes movements with his hands the timbre of his voice is soft ang grey you braid your hair i see your breasts, orange and purple and soft he makes a movement as if saying smoking or talking he types on the typewriter your breasts are now smiling your eyebrows lifting your teeth show he scrathes his neck you lean your breasts touch the table your breats push the table he writes on a typewriter he makes a movement as if talking or smoking he writes about your breats, green and purple and soft and blue you braid your hair you take your breast you put it in a soft cup and grey you look at it it is blue and grey and soft you put it back the man looks at me through his round glasses I pretend I am thinking I do a movement as if thinking or writing in a typewriter you braid your hair I drink from the plastic cup I can see the back of your bra through your blouse.
In my dream I am in this stadium there is a well known magician doing his act. It is interactive. His act is scary. He casts fire on people. I am backstage hiding. And there he comes. He picks up me. Out of everyone he picks up me. I am scared and my belly shows. I don’t want to go but I go in the sake of the experience. I have done so much in the sake of experience. He covers me in fat I wear a blue satin dress it is covered in fat last thing I remember is me on stage holding my glass of wine the lights are hot and covered in fat
The next morning I wake up I am scared I am burned, I remember I tell him I have a scar he shoudln’t put fat in. It feels like I was drunk and slept with a stranger
The idea behind it is this : how much can one take in order to be loved. How much to sacrifice or sustain to be loved.
I’ve changed the length of my skirt, my taste in music, the brand of my cornflakes, my haircut, at least four times. I’ve become a vegan for a week, anarchist, with feathers on my hair. A proper lady. I have bought second hand high heels with worn souls that make my feet hurt, because you like it. I’ve become a lesbian for a little while, a bi-sexual, because you had this phantasy. I have kissed men, women and a dog. I have travelled and travelled. To kerkyra, to Athens, to south of France, to north of France, to Cornwall, to Wellingborough, to Wisbeach. I’ve checked in and checked out. I’ve got used to wash my teeth every night. I’ve stayed outside in the cold in the South Bank for ages, because you like it. I have been hurting while you were fingering me, but never said a word. I have been hurting while you were kissing me, but never said a word. My ovaries have suffered a lot. I pretended I like asian cuisine, I fakes orgasms and laughs. I have been shaving my pussy the way you like it. I was convincing myself that you exist, so hard that I knew exactly the shape of your face, the smell of your neck. Now, I have learnt how to be or behave under all possible circumstances. I will cycle home if you want, or we can take a taxi. I will pay, I don’t mind. I will wear blue tonight. I will go back and change. As long as you remain the same.
I follow a particular pattern. I never let them approach. I go first. I ask them. Their name, their occupation, their marital status, their star sign, their sex preference, what time they wake up in the morning, what they have for breakfast. Then I pause. And they ask me. Waht are you thinking about. And I say. I am thinking about the thing you are thinking about. They smile. I want to kiss them straight away. But I wait. This is what I was told I should do. Then I ask if they cock. And if they do, what do they cock. If they enjoy cocking. If they would cock for me once. And then I invite them back home. They usually come. But because they are so many, they usually do not fit in my room. So, I have to open the window and the back door that leads to the garden. I put some of them in the fridge for later and some of them I eat straight away. And they don’t ask any questions anymore, inexplixably.
I bought this when I was 22. It was a bargain. It was only 32 euros. It had matching boxers. I met this guy. His name was Dimitris. He was a clown in the circus. He was laughing a lot. I thought he was making fun of me. We went to his place. He undressed me. He said nothing about my new underwear. We had sex. And when he had sex with me his mouth stayed open. And his tongue was hanging out between his lips and when he did this a bit of salive was dropping on my breasts.
There are always two men in my life, the one I love and the one I sleep with. The one I love I never sleep with and the one I sleep with I don’t love. Sleeping with the one I love would make me not love him anymore and want to sleep with him no problem. Sleeping with the one I don’t love would make me love him and not want to sleep with him. I would then sleep with the one I used to love and didn’t want to sleep with and I woudln’t want to sleep with the one I used to sleep with because I love him.
He was sitting next to me on the bus. He was wearing these big square glasses that covered half of his face. His nose was very long and pointy and his lips as if he recently had a stroke. He was the brother of a friend of my sister’s ex boyfriend. And I fell for him. I fell for him instantly. Because he told me during a six hour bus drive he described he explained with every detail. He told me and he showed to me and he told me. Exactly how to do it. How to wash my ass with a little sponge. And then, when the bus ride was finished he pretended he had a matress in his house he would like to sell to me. And I bought it. He asked for my phone number. When I entered my room the phone was ringing. And he continued. And he explained. And he told me he described he told me exactly. And I fell for him. And for his dismorphic lips and his pointy nose. I fell for him because he told me and explained to me during a six hour bus ride how to wash my ass with a little sponge. And it was warm and outside it as snowing.
I run I run I run as fast as I can, someone has stolen my pussy pocket. I need to cancel my pussy cards, I might have had my home address and telephone number in it -- I don't even remember. I need to put a fraud notification, a pussy hold, I need to change my lock too.
there is a pussy storm inside my pussy inside my tiny tiny tender pussy there is a storm. there is a violent disturbance of the atmosphere with violent winds and usually rain, a cyclone. There is a tempest inside my pussy, a whirlwind, a gale. A hurricane, this is not a typical storm. It is a giant storm, a rain, a hail, a shower, a spray. I lean, I lean, I lean over, I lean behind to find it again and I discover a storm.

Tuesday, March 16

In the dark I leave my last sigh, the last of the last, the one you never looked behind. You never did and therefore I exist. I am here now and not in the beef. I am not in the beef in the sea-salt as you never looked behind. I am never in the grief in the beef in the fry as you never called to see. To see if I am here, to see if I am near, to see if I exist. To see if I faint, to see if I blame, to see me sigh and breath.
This is what I always wanted. To write something that is not about you or me or my pussy. To write something that is not a pussy story, a pussy novel, a pussy song. To write something that is pussier than pussy, pussier than it ever has been. To write something that is something the pussiest you've ever seen.

Come here, little pussy, come here to eat. I hold your arms and hands safe in me.
you have to surrender I will count to ten. You have to remember, I will come in ten. You have to stay and cry and try and ply and reply to every single silly me and you. You have to surrender, I say and cry.
For your birthday I buy you a pussy. It is not a pussy like the rest of them. It is a beautiful automatic pussy. it cries when you cry and rests when you rest. Sometimes you can put it on standby and it reminds you the times you 've cried and slept with your eyes open, with your head ahead, with your elbows straight, with your knees on bed.

On your pillows I lay my arms. They are quite nice nice arms. Full of memories of the past. Full of plasters and stitches. You say, that's enough. I take off the plasters. I stare at you. I cut the stitches.

On your pillows, I lay my arms.
I sit in my lap. I love my lap. I sit surrounded by strangers. I talk to you. You are not a stranger. It is always like this, you say. Always dark and moist here, always dark. I stare ahead and think of the ways I can fall in love. So very few indeed.
So, how far is your pussy?
Oh, not far at all!
Will it take long?
No, not at all!

Monday, March 15

my wedding ring is a mark from your teeth on my fourth finger. Every time it goes away you bite me again in our anniversary

Tuesday, March 9

Last night it was terrible. I went to a yellow party, wearing a golden dress with one arm, where everyone was playing yellow food war. I then slept with my ex, the big one, and there was no place on the bed for me or him or no sheet at all. I changed the furniture position in my room, I thought that was the problem and then realised you were coming back and I had to tell you. And I loved you so much I could not, yet I had, because my heart was burning. I hate breaking up or cheating. I hate thinking about breaking up or cheating. And all the yellow and green and purple parties in the world won't make it better. And I hate my ex, who came and slept in my bed and took over all the space and left me with a burning heart. And I call you this morning and you do not pick up.

Saturday, March 6

today I am tired. I am tired and exhausted. I am thinking of you and all my efforts to be loved. I am tired, overused, overworked, worn out, stale, clichéd, hoary, stock, stereotyped, predictable, unimaginative, unoriginal, uninspired, dull, boring.

keep kept kept

Yes of course, same one, same one
This is my advice to you
Keep peeping
Keep peeping
Keep peeping
Keep peeping
Yes, yes, keep peeping
Keep bipping
Keep dipping
Yes, keep dipping
Keep sipping
Keep blipping
Keep ripping
Keep nipping
Keep nippling
Keep nibling
Keep peeping.

Friday, February 26

It is late again. How is it possible that every night is late. That everyday is late. Late and dark and laid. Late and laid and dark. And laid and laid and late and dark. How is it. How is it. How is it. Each moment will not be the same again. The moment I met you and the moment I met you. In your terms. Twice. When you were waiting on the staircase. when This staircase, i said, this staircase. Now I go up and down the staircase up and down and you do not wait anymore. Me or you or the steps or the mads, the craps the loneliness. I sit in the milk to cool down. Cool down baby, cool down.

Thursday, February 25

Pussy repair instructions

I wake up. I have a pussy and a vagina. I have a pussy licking and a vagina brushing. I visit lick.com to search for repairing instructions. What I need is this: a portable torch, a fire extinguisher, in case of emergency, a pussy fitting wire brush, sand paper and steel wool.

Step 1
Turn off the water in the pussy. Drain all the existing water with a soft cloth (you didn't tell me I need a cloth!)
Step 2
Measure and cut the pussy pipe. Be sure to include any needed extra space for elbows and junction pieces.
Step 3
Gently, apply a thick coating of soldering paste to the surface of the pussy and leave it to dry. Do not walk or pee.
Step 4
Assemble all of your pieces together before putting them into place with existing, old, broken pussies.
Step 5
Make sure you have quick and easy access to a fire extinguisher since you are using an extremely hot torch in a potentially highly flammable situation.
Step 6
Allow pussy to cool down and you are ready for action again! Handle with care. Do not expose to high temperatures. Do not use inflammables near your recently repaired pussy.
Now you read this. You read this and think that it is about you. Now you read this and think it is about you and me and all our moments. The private ones. Let me tell you something. This IS about you and me and all our private moments. But also, it is not. Now you read this and think I am confusing. And crazy and cruel and crying. And other adjectives that start with C. And gerunds. You sit next to me and the moments I like the best are the moment you touch me. When you touch me when I do not touch you. Because then I can feel you more. I look at your hand on my thigh. It is the hand of a doll with five fingers and five fingernails. I am always amazed at counting your fingernails. Your toes is a different story.
So so so scared that you will never see me again. So so scared. Not that you will never call, but that you will never see me again. As I am now. As I am now with you. And each moment I will change and turn into a witch boring terrible person. Each moment I will grow hair in my armpits and legs and beard. I will grow hair and you will never see me again. I will look outside your window and the city will be here.
I came home last night and threw up. I threw up all the good moments and bad moments, all the moments apart. I threw up the moments spent in the company of others, the moments drinking tea and walking on the grass. The moments when the kettle is on and you wear nothing but a cup of tea. I came home last night and I threw up all the kisses, the hugs, the words that never meant a thing. All the here and now and me and you. I threw up and all my life was vomit. Yellow, green and blue.

gift

I dreamt you gave me a present. The present was you and you were made of different things, all that I liked. You held me and your nose fell, your yellow nose.

Friday, February 12

I dreamt a girl
we had a vagina in common
I screamed, 'it's mine!'
She screamed, 'it's mine!'
I screamed 'It's mine, oh mine!'
She screamed, 'It's yours!'

Tuesday, February 2

I dreamt I had a borrowed child, whose first word was my name and I could feel the weight of his body against mine. Then I had to post him back.

Monday, January 25

suck such such such such suchs such sacks such such sacks such sack suck sucak sucha shucs shucs shush shucsh chuscs shucshs shucs shucs chuscs suck such you such shcus shuck such such suchs suck

whoresale

They do, they do have in all sizes, in all sizes and fits, it will definitely fit, because they have in all sizes - they sell in all sizes and fits. Yes, yes, they do.

I have a small vagina, a big vagina, a vast vagina. I have a small, big, vast vagina. I have a vagina regular size. I have a tall vagina, a grande vagina, a large vagina. I have a vagina with chocolate on top, without whipped cream.

wholesale

That is the best day of my life, the best day I remember. When I find out there is a shop that sells t-shirts that cost only a couple of euros each. And I can buy as many as I want. it is wholesale. They sale the whole of it. The whole.

come-back

I come back after such a long time and no comments, no comments at all. I am forgotten, or not read, or never written. What matters now is this. The memory of the skirt inside my vagina, this ex irish boy, ex boy, not ex irish, that came in my dream last night, caressed my fringe, no, not the fringe, and asked whether he did anything wrong, the big fat swollen penis I had in the container full of human fluids and the way it became bigger and bigger the more I fucked and the feeling of not trusting anyone. Even the person next to which you have slept dreaming night after night.

I am here now, with my big fat penis, a skirt in my vagina and no trust at all. What am I supposed to do next?

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