Under specific circumstances passion can grow fast, faster than parsley or courgette, faster than light. It can be forceful, persistent, and in some cases it might eventually win. The person in love cannot or will not think rationally, in a coherent or consistent manner. The person in love might even consider putting one's life in danger without hesitation. The person in love might consider killing, poisoning or shooting oneself in order to avoid disappointment. Why bother, the person in love will say, leading a life in which your beloved writes letters, makes the bed and cooks aubergine curry for someone else?

Why so much noise? Why all this effort, these outbursts, these worries and torture?

I love you, the person in love will say, because you have green eyes, because you cook well, because you know when to shut up, because you play scrabble with me, because you cycle miles to come and see me; because you never get to the point, because you always kiss my friends, because you don't mind when I buy you drinks - you don't feel threatened or intimidated or all that shit.

I love you, because you have the most amazing ass I have ever seen, because you get naked with every chance, because you don't mind when I am grumpy, or not shaved, or when I am overly emotional or not at all; or when I say, by mistake of course, that I love you.

It is always about your ass, you must know that by now. It is always about your beautiful tender ass, which comes and visits me from time to time. I know you are busy, I know you have your voluntary job, your paintings, but could you please, please let your ass come and visit? I will make tea and bake a cake, I will hoover the carpet and change the cat littler. Please, I will be good and polite and proper. Like you want me to be. Just let me see your ass for one last time.

Then we'll call it a day. I will write to you from time to time. You will receive my letters, you will contemplate writing back, but you will not. That's ok. I will think about you during the weekends.The rest of the days I will be good, polite and proper, like you wanted me to be. And I will hoover the carpet and change the cat littler, just in case.