why didn't you appear before? What do you mean before? Why didn't I appear before?
Because I was kissing someone else, I was lying in bed ill, I was waiting for the knock on the door. Because I was waiting for the sauce to firm, because I was not sure I believed in you or me or anything at all because it is always too late anyway. Because in order to appear you need to disappear and I am scared of that, because before is now, now, and after, afterwards, before is afterwards and after a while. Because I was old and ill dying in my death bed, because the zip was stuck and I suffered from scabies, because I had only one leg, one arm, one eye, because my hair was not long enough, because I was still trying to stick the pieces back together, because it was not long ago, because, somehow, I knew and I waited for you to ask the question.

before what? Before I can reach you, before 11 o' clock, before it's too late, before the clock strikes, beforehand, before I die, before you come back, before you remember, before I shrink in my bed and can't reach the key, before my hair turns white, before the end, before the beginning, before it gets too cold or too dark before you know it, before midnight, before before.