My partner is telling me these incredible stories from his childhood and all I can think about is: I need to go pee, but my tummy is so bloated I’m seriously ashamed to cross the length of the restaurant to go to the toileta.

A king size kinder bueno caught my eye. I have to fart before boarding.

Come on and rip me now 

Not so devastated by the other consequences, the other, other consequences, left with a bit of grief . 

Monogamy makes me ugly. My skin looks dull and my heart is exhausted.