So good looking

You are so good looking I can hardly take my eyes off you. So good looking. Your hair is good looking, your eyebrows so good looking, your mouth, oh, your mouth, so good looking, your elbows, the tip of your nose, so good looking. You are so good looking. your lips, so good looking, your ear lobes so so good looking, the back of your neck so so so good looking, your fingernails, so so so so good looking. You are good looking. So good looking. So so good looking. I think I love you.

What to do with myself

I don't know what to do with myself. I am sitting here, not knowing what to do with myself. I am feeling restless and a little lonely. Not because I don't have friends or love, or because my family is miles away and my sister never calls and the beef bourguignon was a bit too dry and the potatoes a bit too thick, but because I don't know what to do with myself.



I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with the early mornings, the radio which keeps falling in the middle of the night, with all the recipes I do not know and I will never be able to memorise. I do not know what to do with myself. What to do with my guilt for being here, for having a house with a garden, a cat named Veronica and a rug from Peru. I do not know what to do with myself. What to do with feeling restless, feeling angry, feeling over the moon. Feeling that this is my life and I do not live it because I do not know what to do with myself. I do not know what to do with my parents, the external examiner's report, the UCU strike, a degree in Japanese Language, extra dimensions, temporal arteritis.

I do not know what to do with my cash, when I am bored, about orphaned animals and the wildlife. I don't know what to do with the feeling that I want to be a man, so that I can comfort a woman in my arms and say that it will be ok. And perhaps that woman is me, not knowing what to do with myself.

I don't know what to do about this concert on Wednesday, what to wear, how to make sure I do not fart. Don't know what to do about my helmet, my lousy ovaries, the fat cat that keeps shitting in my garden, my doctor who wears pink.

I don't know what to do with the mince meat, whether I should season it before cooking or after, when do the onions come in and if I should clap when they do.

I don't know what to do with 115.293 results of not knowing what to do with myself on google. And finally, I don't know what to do with short hair, leftover chicken, egg yolks and daffodils after flowering. But I suppose there is time to talk about those things and figure it out. And you are here, which is always nice. Thank you.

Kind of fine

It's sort of kind of fine that you are pressing against my bottom next to the rubbish bin while I'm trying to savour a Cornish pastry. It is kind of sort of fine that you pretend not to notice that you are dribbling all over me. All over my new vintage vinyl bag that I love so much. All over my new golden brooch, all over my fury collar that never sighs. 

It's sort of kind of fine that you are fine.

So late in me

So you are so late and the noodles are all soggy and the ginger not so gingery and the chilli pepper all over the place.

You promised that you'll bring some soya sauce bad you forgot. So late in me now and no come pillow at all.

So late in me

So you are so late and the noodles are all soggy and the ginger not so gingery and the chilli pepper all over the place.

You promised that you'll bring some soya sauce bad you forgot. So late in me now and no come pillow at all.

Youme

You write next to me and sniff your nose and wipe it all around and up and down. You wrote and I am looking for the  % symbol, which is very hard to find.

Every time I have a shower I drown and shout as if I'm drowning. But I am drowning for real but I shout as if I'm drowning although it is for real.

I leave work, meet you at the pub and we fight.

You either have your legs too open or too closed. Why don't you just wrap them around my body? You say, while you contemplate moving to a different summer resort closer to the beach. The price is higher, but who cares, it is important to have a view to the sea (I suppose).

The doctor is naked. His body looks very lovely and symmetrical. I think he loves me. I lie down and he examines me. His penis is near the tip of my nose and his dead mother next to me under a sheet. I think this is not a clinic, it is his bedroom, or, his mother's bedroom. I think there is an electricity cut, that's why he can't work in the clinic. There is a long queue outside but he is very thorough with his examination and doesn't say a word about his mother.

The murderer has a habit: he kills two people at a time and buries them in the ground, after he has carefully removed one of their shoes. But this time, his victims wake up. They are alive. They seek revenge. They post the other shoe to him. He receives it with two days delay; a post strike or something. Need to buy batteries and be nicer to my cat x

I am waiting in the middle of the street. I am waiting with my mother and my sister and this man who is wearing a wig, whom I do not know. We are sitting on a big dining table in the middle of the street, waiting for our taxi. We booked it through a wedding company, it was a good deal. We are waiting and chatting and my water is finished and I use the shop's fountain - twenty seven pounds? For a little running water? I return and sit on the dining table, the man in the wig is still there, I sort of fall asleep. We have now been waiting for two hours. My mother does not want to cancel, I can call Camcabs or something, but she does not want. I sort of fall asleep and then everything happens quickly. The taxi is still not there, my mum refuses to cancel and the man with the wig decides to leave. I wake up just at that time, when he has left his seat next to me in the dining table in the middle of the street. I wake up and I realise the sucker has stolen the battery of my new iphone - I run after him, grab him from the neck (cause I love my new iphone) and challenge him : Gimme me me iphone, gimme me me iphone. He grins, with a stupid grin, his wig falls slightly on the side and he gimms me me iphone. Then I have a fight with my mum about the taxi, my sister is there too, we are all sitting down, next to the kiosk, I realise that I am wearing a wig too.

How much did you say? How much does this cost? how much does it cost to spend a morning of serenity with my cat lying on her pillow and the tap running. GO eat a burger.

Now you are ready, now you are ready to start swinging from side to side, to take off your belt and start swinging, to play skip rope with your mother's kitchen gown, to start jumping up and down, from side to side. Now, now you are ready. Now, now.

oh no no, no baby, no, oh no no, no baby no. No more of this or that or whatever. No more of anything. Just lie down. Lie down and sleep. Sleep baby sleep. Do not fart, do not sweat, just sleep. Baby, sleep.

no more tummy tuck

I refuse to tuck my tummy in any longer. I have been doing this for at least twelve years. Twelve years of my life, I have told myself: tuck your belly in, yes, yes, that's it, that's better. That looks good. That's it. That's it ladies and gentlemen. That's it. Tuck my belly in no more. I may have to adjust a few things, like 1. wear slightly bigger jeans and 2. avoid tight t-shirts, but 3. who cares, ladies and gentlemen. My belly knows it, too many years of tucking in.

Just grin

No one will actually tell you this, but the opposite of grinning is frowning. They won't tell you, because they have nothing to lose. I have something to lose. I have something to lose. I am so fed up of all this grinning. My forehead hurts. I want to be able to collapse, not once and for all, just little by little. I won't grin every again. I will laugh, yes, but not grin. Stupid cow.

1. do not stumble 2. do not hunch (hunching is never good) 3. do not frown 4. smile 5. smile 6. smile wider 7. wider 8. relax your face 9. try again 10. how pathetic.

Fed up and cracking up

That's it. I am fed up. Fed up with the whining and dining, the here and there, the nows and goes. I do not want to do this. I do not want to have to face the bells, when ringing out of tune. I do not want to only eat rice cakes. I want it all. I want it all. And a little each time. I want to be able to walk slowly, without stumbling or falling. I want to eat BREAD to eat BREAD to eat BREAD. I want to eat bread. That's it.

I am going now. I am going. I am not going far. No, not too far, but I am going. I am going. I am going downstairs to make a cup of tea and see whether you want to talk to me now. I am going. But I will come back.

this is good. yes, very good. no, the other way. do it the other way. do it the only other way you know how to do it. you know it's only the other way you know, don't you know how to do it, don't you. don't you don't you know how to do it.how to do it now. now. now. yes, yes, oh, yes, that's it, yes, that's it.

i 've had enough. of all the shit, they shitty shit lying around. i've had enough. of all the shitty shitty things lying around. i know, i can be a bore, but i've had enough. not a pig, just a bore. a big bloody bore. thank you very much and goodnight.

here we go again. sweaty armpits, toenails longer than usual and an itchy back. and all I care about is my shoes. My shoes. MY SHOES. whether they look nice. And if they do the thing, the thing they are supposed to do. The very specific thing they are supposed to do, that is, walk me everywhere. Students seemed to like them. So, that's good. It is a start at least. A very good, hopeful, precise, wondrous beginnng. here we go.

I had another strange dream, I put all my clothes inside the toilet, after I had expelled faeces and pushed them and and flushed, because I thought the toilet was a washing machine. Then I had to tell the man in charge to dig a hole on top of the shit hole to fish my clothes. The operation was successful and I washed my clothes and let them dry in the sun. I also dreamt I was a sort of poet, who wrote in a strange way and was only reading when there were christmas decorations around.

Last night I dreamt that a white long shiny mushroom was growing on the side of my bottom. I pulled it out and it did come out, only it grew back again. I pulled it again and put it in a napkin for autopsy.